Sometimes, I have too many thoughts,
so much that I cannot think.
How can you have too many thoughts,
that they actually shroud your ability to think?
Thoughts are thinking.
It’s when your thoughts have no composition,
and no real grounding in reality.
There’s no flow; no determination.
Just random thoughts, with random feelings, and random fears, random anxieties, random… whatever.
See, that’s what happens.
My train of thought just dissipates and becomes ‘whatever’.
It’s like the whirlwind of activity within my cranium only allows me but a glance at my thought before it fucks off for another rotation.
I feel like my mind is a queue into the X-Factor auditions,
each thought is a hopeless auditionee,
screaming their own brand of notes and rhythms
None are able to break free,
from the snaking queue to the front of the line
they are each eager for their chance to shine.
Then… I regress.
I do nothing. I sit back, and try not to stress.
I figure if I give my thoughts time to reach conformity,
then I can regain my mind’s tranquility.
As if there are too many thoughts in the queue and I just have to wait until the rush-hour is done and all my thoughts have reached their destinations.
It’s not like that though,
it’s not a rush hour,
it’s a busy street in the weeks approaching the holidays.
It’s not busy for a time,
it’s busy all the time.
It’s a state of mind,
Not a state of time.
I need release.